i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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