i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
