just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
