That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
