im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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