so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize