Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
