I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize