Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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