I want to make a zoo with you.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
