Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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