What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
