im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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