Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
