I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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