i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
