So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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