What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
