Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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