Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize