and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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