yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
