ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
