You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
