One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
