we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
