There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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