Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He did a backflip because drugs
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