why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I want a musical about memes.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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