I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
