The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Randomize
