Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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