Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
