note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wish you could order shots online.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
