Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
