he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
