I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize