You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
