Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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