Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
