If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
