I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
