Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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