well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
