420 ftw
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
