He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
