Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
