I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
