Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
