he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
