I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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