even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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