I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
