i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
