Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I FOUND THE LEGS
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
