Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So vagazzling was a success
I have tasted many bathrooms
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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