I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
