i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
