party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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