did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
