I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize