i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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