Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
