I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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